There is unbelievable negativity in the world right now, and to play on some common sayings, I'm not here for it, and it's cancelled, and I'm having a #DoomAndGloomIsOverParty.
Not going to lie, there are plenty of reasons we could throw a pity party right now. I could throw myself a pity party, but I am determined not to. I have hope in something greater than this world, and I'm going to celebrate it. That's my kind of party.
It's been pretty good in the quarantine life for the Jones family. Not too much has changed except that my summer break and time living at home extended by two months suddenly, and Mom got an extra month or so of her time at home, too. We don't go out that much, and our house isn't that close to the highway or center of town, so except for the chaos in the news, grocery shopping for my grandparents, and making a few last-minute grocery trips because we heard meat was back in stock, it's been a relatively normal summer despite it all.
Until Saturday. I can't tell you the last time we had a smooth summer. One of my high school years I guess. Post-senior year, we never got along, and I couldn't wait to get away and to college. After that first year--yeah we won't talk about that right now; that summer was nonexistent...God only knows...and He was the only reason we made it through, too. After sophomore year, Mom had elbow surgery. After junior year, I had just torn two hip muscles, healed, but a month later screwed everything down my right side up. This summer, we've got the coronas and the protests--AND now Dad likely tore his hamstring. Bless this mess...but God already has.
This was a couple hours before that happened. It was a great day. We'd only had the boat out a couple weekends so far, and I am so thankful that I took a boat ride this afternoon. We had Chloe in there with us, sweetest girl, and we even got her in the lake. Yes, she is a lab, and yes, she is afraid to swim. We're trying to teach her that she can do it, and she will be okay.
Mom and Dad went to ski while I was studying for the GRE, but it was a long time, and they never came back. Then my phone rang...
Suddenly, everything was uncertain. We had gotten things calmed down and inside for the night, no ER visit, but we really didn't know what we were going to do. He could hardly move.
When a serious medical issue like this comes up, you know there's the issues of work, doctors, treatments, all the money, time management, how long it will take to come back, wondering if things will ever be the same, all the things we will miss in the meantime, the changes to our daily lives, and so much more. That's reason for a slight mental breakdown if you ask me. Not going to lie, I did break down for a few minutes. And that's okay.
It's one of those times you just don't know what to do or say or even pray, but that can be good, because we don't know best. God does. I don't know why this had to happen, but I know that God is in control, and He is good. We are safe. We are provided for if we do not give up hope and do not give up effort.
Monday morning Mom woke me up after Dad had called and gotten into the doctor, but she had to go do Mamaw and Papaw's shopping, so I was designated driver. I had an hour or so, so I hopped up, took a bike ride to refresh, then got Dad to the doc. From there, I made the most of my time (one of my main goals because God puts so many things on my heart, and I run out of time every day--"Make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:16) and took my daily walk and pray to enjoy some fresh air and time with God without distractions. Not like I could go into the doctor's office during "these unprecedented times," for lack of better terms. He came out with news it was most likely torn, we just didn't know how bad, so next was an appointment that afternoon in Knoxville. Mom got home not too long after us, and they had time to eat lunch before leaving again.
Chloe and I enjoyed the sunshine and peace out on the deck with some dark chocolate Kodiak Cakes with berries and strawberry cream cheese. We all need more pups and pancakes in our lives. It's the little things. Health (mental and physical) is wealth. Words to live by.
That afternoon, they actually got to the appointment and back before I left to DoorDash. It was overcast so not too hot for being in the car. I also got in a great Bible study relating to one of Pastor Dean's recent sermons, some things we needed at Walmart, and three good-paying deliveries! But during this time, I drove up on where there had just been a bad wreck. The flow of traffic was stopped in both directions for a helicopter to airlift someone to the hospital. A wreck is never good, but you know that's a bad sign.
That got me really down. So much pain in the world...things are just so...I don't even know a word for it. I was feeling pretty discouraged in the world after all of this.
Discouraged in the world.
That's the problem.
The world has sin and pain, but the world is where we have turned all our focus.
After passing this scene and feeling so much more sadness, "I Know" by Big Daddy Weave came on KLove. (link to the full lyrics on the title above or scroll to the end to see some!) That gave some words from my heart that I didn't have the power to come up with on my own.
Later that evening, another one that has been uplifting through the recent events in the world and to me personally came on, "One Day" by Cochren & Co. (lyrics here and below)
At Dash #1 I got a simple little smile from the little boy and his dad next to me ordering. This kid couldn't have been more than six years old. He ordered cheese bread and two cookies. His dad said, "Just two? I thought you wanted three cookies." The boy grinned and shied away, then the young guy behind the counter smiled and said, "How about four cookies?" and gave him two for free. The little boy's face (and his dad's) lit up. So did mine.
There are good people and good things in the world.
God knew I needed that.
Further encouragement for me and you both to do good, because it can effect those around us that we don't even think are involved!
Also sounds silly, but another simple yet big thing gave me some peace that I felt like God sent at just the right time. I have been really worried about the dining situation when we get back to school because of all the health concerns, and you can only imagine if restaurants are limited, what will a college campus full of students look like!? So the dining services sent out a very informative and relieving email about some new options as well as the usual ones! We are getting a Freshens! AND I had suggested that in a couple surveys throughout the past year! There's also going to be another venue with a rotating homestyle menu as well as more weekend options for people with meal plans.
I also got to chat on instagram with a friend that I haven't talked to since maybe high school, but we were cross country and track teammates at West. He shared how encouraging my posts are and that he enjoyed getting to see my positivity and faith. Man, did I need these things. Not that we need to have people tell us we're doing a good job, but sometimes that's how God gives us a little nudge to not give up. This doesn't happen often, but it does at the right times.
So while this Monday was a downer at times, I was much more reminded of God's goodness when He shined through those dark times.
Fast forward to Wednesday.
Dad's MRI was this evening. The next step to getting on the road to recovery, less pain. I mean, he's been in a lot of pain. Can't go to work because he can't drive, can't sit in a car, can't sit in a desk, can hardly walk. It's already been four days with no progress.
Phone rings.
Insurance hasn't approved; the earliest we might can get you in now is sometime next week.
That's even if insurance approves.
More uncertainty, waiting, worries of pain, healing, money, etc.
My heart aches for Mom and Dad both.
There's not much I can do but pray and try to be positive for them and help with what I can. I texted two of the girls that I've been praying with a lot lately so they could help me pray, because I know that prayer is so powerful, and often, others have a greater impact than we can ourselves because we are inherently so selfish in our hearts. It's human nature, but God knows and intercedes for us (Romans 8:26-27).
Would you believe that less than an hour later, insurance called us and approved the MRI, so we called back to KOC, and they could get him in the next day!
Power of prayer, persistence, and trust.
That evening I was out working, and it clouded up and even rained some, but there was a beautiful break in the clouds where the sun shined through, and God filled me with a peace that said He was making a way.
And how am I sure I was supposed to share this? It was really on my heart this evening, then I came across that tweet from Air1. "Do it," God said. People need to hear good news and encouragement not to give up.
Some of my favorite/relevant lyrics from the previously mentioned songs:
I Know
You don't answer all my questions, but You hear me when I speak
You don't keep my heart from breaking, but when it does You weep with me
You're so close that I can fell You when I've lost the words to pray
Though my eyes have never seen You, I've seen enough to say
I know that You are good
I know that You are kind
I know that You are so much more than what I leave behind
I know that I am loved
I know that I am safe
Cause even in the fire, to live is Christ, to die is gain
I don't understand the sorrow, but You're calm within the storm
Sometimes this weight is overwhelming, but I don't carry it alone
...On my darkest days, in my deepest pain, thorough it all my heart will choose to sing Your praise
One Day
One day there'll be no more waiting left for our souls
...One day there'll be no more lives taken too soon
One day there'll be no more need for hospital rooms
One day every tear that falls will be wiped by His hand
We will see the promised land
Hallelujah, there will be healing
From this heartbreak we've been feeling
We'll sing it through the darkest night
Cause we know that the light will come
There will be healing, hallelujah
One day there'll be no more anger left in our eyes
One day the color of our skin won't cause a divide
One day we'll be a family standing hand in hand
We will see the promised land
...One day when our tired and weary bones find their rest
One day when the power of evil is brought to an end
We will see the promised land
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