Work, Worry, Rest--Weary Women in a World of Opportunity

 

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For Weary Women in a World of Opporutnity 
--Desiring God, March 2020

Being a college/grad student with a double major in Communications and Sports, Outdoor Recreation, and Tourism, pursuing an MBA, and NCAA athletic experience may seem like the most wonderful way to have endless doors open--which it is--I feel this message on a very personal and timely level. Don't get me wrong, I love the areas I am qualified in and feel so called to continue using them to share God's power with others in daily life, but when people ask me what I want to do when I graduate, I never have a good answer. I am always working on stuff, always seeing things I would love to do, but there is no clear path right now. Opportunity is wonderful, but it can also be very nerve-wracking.

 

Think of how much greater our opportunities as women today are (and ever-expanding) compared to our grandparents and even parents. What a time to be a woman! Yet, we are still so often depressed, stressed, and not living the lives we dreamed of as little girls. We display a good life on the outside--matching outfits, decorations, being in nature, pets, family and friends, fancy coffee, you know...but really, we're exhausted. (That's me, too!! Not going to hide it!)

 

Culture's messages to empower women are great in theory--You go girl! You can do it all! Boss Babe mentality. Get that perfect man! You don't need no man! (wait what?) Often, we take it too far. We do try to do it, go us, but we try more than we trust. More personal strength than powerful spirit. Then we crash. Girl power can only get you so far. Girls also tend to have mental breakdowns, as I can attest. 

By all means feel empowered! Believe in yourself! But we should be believing in ourselves because God is within us. "God is within her; she will not fall. God will help her at the break of day." Psalm 46:5. Culture also says that "You are enough," but as a Christian, on our own, we aren't enough. 

 

When we put our identity in that life we display, we crash when it fails. And it will at times. But God never will. However, when we are downcast, it draws us to look up. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Put your hope in God. For I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5. The only way to find true, lasting joy and satisfaction in life is to turn your heart away from your selfish pursuits and to God. If I let my ambitions to have a great race, buy the perfect gift, get all my homework done a day early, and post my favorite things on instagram dictate whether or not I am productive or successful, you bet I'm going to have an abundance of rough days. Shoot, I struggle to get to bed before midnight as it is. But when I make myself stop, breathe, and rest in the fact that God just wants me to trust Him and work for Him, I don't have to put on a display of my skills, just a display of my spirit. You can't go wrong that way. No one can take it from you, and it is forever protected by the Lord. While a race, hobby, boyfriend, or grade may bring you a reward on earth, a faithful spirit will bring you both joy and purpose on earth as well as eternity. 

 

So take these wonderful opportunities to be a woman in this world and use them for God's glory. Even in uncertainty, we know we have new mercies and new opportunities every day. Take it one day at a time and look for how God is opening doors right in front of you.

 

"The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come that you may have life and have it to the full." John 10:10

Better Late Than Never

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Confession: I am not the hard core dedicated student I was in middle and high school. There are times I get excited and really work diligently from my heart, but those times are a lot more rare and shorter lived. It makes me sad and frustrated when I don't have the desire, understanding, or motivation to learn more and make the top grades easily like I used to, but I have to remember that I have been through a lot over the years, and both my heart and mind are not the same. But this is good in ways, too.

That being said, after having the heaviest classload and busiest semester ever--thank goodness it was only half--I came home after having lived on the edge of exhaustion and constant anxiety for months, it was hard to adjust to suddenly being home all the time, no internship running me back and forth between classes and practices, and only a limited number of assignments for other classes to submit online. Then I realized just how dead I was. Sometimes you don't realize what you need til you are kind of forced into it. I needed a break. And I actually took it. Buuutt I probably took way too long.

I had an extra long summer break, as we all did, and I had so many great things I wanted to do. I had the time to do them! So many projects and fun things, studying for the GRE and getting that out of the way, a summer class starting in July.
I slept in, started over training with a new base building cycle after the normal outdoor season would've ended, now it was "real" summer. I spent time walking the dog, riding my bike, went to the gym when it opened, cooked some great meals, read articles and watched videos online that I had saved up for the past year or two (or three), started working for DoorDash and made some good money, but still that was really the only place I went. Mom and I were home all the time like normal summer, Dad was still working the whole time except one week vacation he took off to just be at home with us (we hadn't planned a beach trip anyways). I was relaxing and enjoying myself.

Time flew. "I've been home three months?" I would think to myself in disbelief at how fast it seemed to go, all here at home. I am just good at staying busy yet never feeling like I get things accomplished. There's always more to do.

One of the things I am glad I spent my extra time on was spending extra time with God. I could start a Bible study reading and writing and go for hours and not even know what time it was. I have learned so much, made prayer such a more natural part of my life, I see more things in the simple day to do that are so applicable to what I know about God, developed such a deeper relationship with Him; I have so much peace and contentment in circumstances that the middle-and-high-school (and even earlier in college) me I mentioned earlier would have been literally sick and broken in panic attacks from. I almost laugh at the made-up images I see of "that" me dealing with last year's injury, but even moreso this year's season-ending, leaving-campus-at-moments'-notice of the Coronavirus.

It's such a great and powerful, yet unexplainable feeling that I have through all of this, but that is one way I know it is from God. "The peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Continuing on in this great and wonderful and relaxing summer, oh, the deadline for the GRE is in a few weeks, "I've studied a little, I'll do it next week." I went online to register, and the next open spot for a proctor was THE last day I could do it. That's God's mercy in my procrastination. I still felt unprepared going into it, but my goal was to make a score to get into the grad program. This is another change, mostly good, from grade school me. I do not have to be the best at everything, especially if it doesn't matter! All that matters is that I get a score good enough to get in, then nobody will ever care again. Even better, after taking the exam, I am glad I didn't waste time studying, because the material was not like what I had practiced at all, and I would've done probably just the same without studying. And I will never use that stuff again in my life. And I got the needed score. What I did learn from taking the GRE is that I will not take a job where I have to sit for hours in a cold room. Yes, this was my own basement, but I do not ever sit anywhere, especially cold places, for hours uncomfortably staring. I felt like a literal brick when I got up, a frozen brick.

About the summer class: it started the week before this, and I was really enjoying it. Sport Law and Ethics had a lot of information that I could relate to situations I have been in and/or have seen in the sporting world, as well as things I can apply to my future job, whatever that ends up being. I was pretty motivated for this one and on top of it!

Until the MBA program processed my GRE scores, reviewed my transcripts, and "Oh, you weren't a business major or minor with xyz classes; we need you to do these background module classes before you can register for the semester for anything with a prerequisite." Side note, you don't choose your classes in grad school; they do it for you. So long story short, it was so much to do in such a short amount of time, I was basically told that I wouldn't be able to complete it and maybe just take the year off and start next year. NO. CAN'T. I'm on scholarship, and I have to be enrolled. So here goes my summer's end.

Three classes, started July 23rd, first due July 30th. We are stopping there because my motto of "One day at a time" lives on. I went through some late nights, sleepless nights, days with no breaks except to run, prehab, eat, super-fast shower, and eventually go to bed, lots of praying. I've never done anything in accounting, so that was a challenge. It was due 8 a.m., and I finished it with a high passing grade the night before (morning of?) the due date at 1 a.m. Praise. The. Lord.

So what's better late than never?
All the things I have learned, been convicted of, changes I have wanted to make, finally doing some. God was with me through the easy days, too, but now was the test. Do what you have to do.

All of this, all my failures, repeatedly, make me so mad at myself for not being able to change, but I know this is because I can't on my own. God gives each person their own battles, but we don't have to hide them and be ashamed of them. Paul, one of the greatest examples of men we look to for his Biblical writings and guidance, said in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "BUT He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." It is so freeing to know that though we fail, we can use even those for God's glory. Yet, Romans 6:1-2 reminds us, "Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means!" More conviction later in James 4:17 says that it is not only what we do that can be sin, but what we don't do: "Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." James 5:16 on the same page also says to "Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

I'm guilty. I need God's grace every day to work toward my habitual sins, and I need his power to help me overcome them yet also use them as tools to help others through their battles. I need others to pray for me in ways that I can't think of for myself. We all do. 

So after some breakdowns, praying for God to help me through this pressure like I have never been under before, keeping faith on the promises that He is with me, has a plan, will help me, and even if I don't understand, no matter what the outcome of my exam, He is good, I made it. But now there's more. However, I am more prepared and confident. I have to watch that I do not get lazy again, though, but a break was necessary. I took a couple nice, long naps since that exam.

Next was to read the next 4 chapters of Sport Law and Ethics, write two reflections, and take an exam. Undergrad done.

Straight into more MBA, this time Economics. One week. Let's go! I feel like I have learned a lot through this last struggle through seemingly impossible odds, but like I sang on the morning of both my exam and the hardest of summer workouts, "Right now I'm staring down a giant...I still believe, there's no heart You can't rescue, no war You can't win. No story so over it can't start again. No pain You won't use, no wall You won't break through. It might be too much for me but, there is no impossible with You."

I was afraid for a while the world was ending and most of this stuff wouldn't matter anyways, but God-willing, I will have some more years to make my life impactful for the sake of the world. We have to find balance between preparing for the future and living in the moment, working for a brighter tomorrow but also seeing the brightness in front of us today. This is another limitation of being human; we don't know the future or how long it may last, but we can know that God is with us, working for us, and will always come through. BUT we have to do our part.

None of this is to say "Look at what I did," but to say, "Look what dumb things I did but God gave me mercy because I do not deserve this life I have, yet He wakes me up with new hope each day."

add links to some strava and other good posts related; add tags and pictures; check God is good

Friday Fix

I have not had much time to blog at all lately, but I am currently in the back if a car, in the dark, which makes it difficult to study, so my phone' battery is getting drained! Even though I haven't been posting on my blog, I've still been posting a lot to my other social medias. Each day, I've had a little slogan to share with others and help me stay focused on god more each day. Today has been a busy, stressful day, but the way to get through it is by fixing eyes and thoughts on Jesus!  God just sent all this to my mind when I really didn't know what to post for today yet, so I really wanted to go ahead and share it now!

Why I am who I am

This song by MIKESCHAIR, All I Can Do, and this verse, 1 Corinthians 15:10, have become my favorites this cross country season.

I very often get asked questions like, "How do you run so much/so fast/like running!?"

I only can supply one answer.

 

There is no way I would be where I am and doing what I am doing if I didn't have the Lord.  My life has changed so much as I have grown closer to Him.  I see so many opportunities that He has blessed me with.  Lately I have just been overwhelmed with the grace I've been given.  I don't deserve this life at all.  I still sin and screw stuff up every day, yet He still loves and forgives me and gives me opportunities to serve.  I am filled with so much joy and motivation for life!

 

I am fast (in others' opinions), I love my life, I am joyful all because God has given it to me to be used to bring Him glory.

 

"By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect.  No, I worked hard...yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me."  1 Corinthians 15:10

 

All I can do is thank You for this life I never deserve.  Wanna thank You for the grace I know I don't have to earn.  You love me, You love me, Your mercy is proof.  All I can do is say thank You.

Bristol Cross

This past Saturday, September 28th, was probably the best race day I have had.  It was a beautiful morning; the sun was shining, Steele Creek park was gorgeous, and my excitement was flowing for what lied ahead.  Ever since the night before, I had this urge to just sing and dance, but I knew I needed to hold it in a little while longer.  Between the race in the morning and getting to join my church youth at our fall retreat, I was ready for a thrill.  I did a lot of praying for opportunities and a positive, unselfish attitude for whatever happened.  On the ride there on the bus, I listened to some great contemporary Christian music getting me even more pumped, shared some thoughts on Twitter, and Blogger, and read some on my phone Bible. (One of my favorite pre-race songs is Eye on It by Toby Mac)  I just had a great feeling.

The girls varsity race was at 11:10, the perfect time it seemed.  This was my favorite racing weather.  Just one of the innumerable blessings of the day.  I started on the second line behind the twins on our team.  We had a start box dead center, so we wanted the best start for everyone on the team which meant Chantal and Cherie would probably get out the fastest.  I don't usually start too well, so I was worried for a moment, but then realized--unselfish, let it go.  God will make it work how it should.  We went through our normal team chant and prayer, and I said my "Just do your best and God will do the rest" right before we took off.  Well buddy, that was my best race start.  And I kept it up!  That gun went off and I just let go.  God completely carried me through that entire race.  This is no easy course.  Rolling hills and tons of curves and tight turns are everywhere on the two-loop course.  Girls from my JV team kept telling me in their cheers that no one was even close, but I didn't know.  Rounding those last couple turns, I was so excited.  Heading toward the finish of a race is always an amazing rush of adrenaline.  Sending up prayers throughout races also keeps me going more than anything.  The finish of this race is a long stretch of gradual downhill with an uphill into the finish line.  Around the 3 mile mark, I could see that the clock said 18:00.  Holy cow I was thinking.  Pushing in that last little bit in my head I was saying "PR! PR! PR!" and I did!  The only way I was able to do that was because God wanted me to have another opportunity to share His name.  I never would have imagined running an 18:28 on a tough course like that. 

Back at the tent, I looked up from changing my shoes to find two men asking if they could interview me.  "Oh man" I thought.  This hadn't happened before, and I didn't want to sound dumb.  Then I knew that they were there because God put them there.  I said a quick prayer that He would speak through me and give me the words to say.  I answered their questions and told them how God had just blessed me with an amazing race that day.  I also talked about prayer and our whole team.  I don't really remember what all I said, but I just hope it makes a difference to someone out there!

On my cool down, I ran along a gravel path that followed the side of the lake there.  I was overwhelmed by the day, and it was only around 1:00.  I use my cool downs to reflect on my races and pray and thank God for all His blessings.  Today He had given me a pie to donate, a new PR, even more joy in my heart, and an opportunity to share about Him.  I still can't believe all that God is doing here in this world.  I feel so blessed to be a part of His plan and can't wait to see what all is ahead.

A song by MIKESCHAIR comes to my mind daily this season.  All I can do is thank You for this life I never deserve.  Wanna thank You for the grace I know I don't have to earn.  You love me, You love me, Your mercy is proof.  All I can do is say thank You.

 

Two girls from our varsity had to leave to go to violin lessons, but here is the rest of the team with our head coach and the first place plaque!